WEEK 7 PREVIEW
Can you believe it’s Week 7 already? I mean after this week we’ll be halfway through our regular season… crazy eh? That reminds me - a few of you have not yet paid your league fees, please reach out to me directly to make arrangements when you can. Some teams are really effected by the byes this week… the Panthers, Bengals, Cowbitches, Texans, Jets, and Titans are all off. Here’s what’s ahead…
The game of the week will take place in Funky Town with 4-2 MARC’S FUNKY BUNCH hosting 5-1 3RD AND LONG. Despite being just the 8th highest scorer in the league Ryan is in first place, and he could have a perfect record if it wasn’t for a Week 4 hiccup against the last place D-Raiders. His two biggest stars Tyreek Hill and Austin Ekeler are both projected to have big weeks again, but it’s still unclear who he’ll start at QB this week - Jared Goff against the Ravens, or Geno Smith vs the Cardinals. You can’t count The Bunch out of this one, they’re coming in hot riding an impressive 3 game winning streak. They could jump out to a lead to tonight with the Jags in action… but will Trevor Lawrence be healthy enough to play on that banged up knee?
The CRYSTAL LAKE SLASHERS will try to make it two in a row when they go up against HOOKED ON A THIELEN. The Purple T’s depth at the WR position will be tested this week with Garrett Wilson and Ja’Marr Chase both having the week off, and now Kyren Williams looks to be hurt too. The Slashers have been gaining momentum, getting better each week. They’re projected to put up large numbers again this week - both Cooper Kupp and Jalen Hurts are expected to score into the 20’s, and Swift and McLauren will likely do some damage on the ground. Last year in their only meeting, Don lost to Glen at home 122-101… we’ll see how he can do this time, in his very first trip to Crystal Lake.
Both teams will be looking to get over a loss last week when the DARTH RAIDERS sneak over the border to battle the STAND ALONE AMERICAN. Rick will be without the services of Breece Hall who’s been great for him since coming over in a trade, but he’ll really be in trouble if his San Fran double threat combo of McCaffrey and Samuel can’t go - they’re both currently listed as questionable. The D-Raiders need a miracle to turn their season around. ESPN is giving Howie just a 24% chance of making the Bundy Bowl playoffs. I’m no math genius or anything, but I think that means there’s a 76% chance he’s headed to the Finkle Four where he’ll have to fight for his life to avoid a berth in the Toilet Bowl. He needs to go on one hell of a tear over the next few weeks… just win baby!
Another team desperate for a victory is J-OSHAWA ALLEN who’s taking on ERIC’S E-ALLS this week. The Eazy E’s are looking to turn the page quickly after the second worst defeat in ICLAFF history last week, a 90 point loss to SO-CO. If he’s to bounce back this week he’ll need to do it without a starting running back and wide receiver - Pollard and Hopkins are both off this week. On the other side, Mike will do anything to put an end to this horrific 4 game losing streak. It’s clear that the J-Oshawa Mafia and the proud people of the Shwa have had enough! I was driving through with a buddy a couple of days ago and was shocked to see they’re already starting to burn down and destroy parts of the city in protest… but my friend clarified that South Oshawa has always looked like that. Dam.
From there we go to a big rivalry game between PURDY GOOD and STRAIGHT OUTTA COUGHLIN - I know I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while! They almost had a playoff showdown last season, both making the semi final with a chance to meet in the Bundy Bowl… but it never happened. This season we all had to listen to Shawn’s bullshit when he was 4-0, but things have been pretty quiet in the Bay since he’s lost two straight. I’ve been telling him all season that he’s nothing without his star receiver, and so far without JJ for a game and a half that’s looking like an accurate statement. I don’t wanna hear any excuses after I whoop his sorry ass by 40 points! There’s a good chance we’ll be watching the games together this week, so over the course of our 14 hours together on Sunday it could get pretty nasty. How about the loser pays for the chicken wings?
The OTTAWA ROSS RIDERS head to Sin City to take on the LAS VEGAS SUN WORSHIPERS. Even tho the Worshipers picked up their second win of the season last week to move up out of last place, this week could be a different story. Rich will have to get creative with his roster - he has 6 players out on a bye including his star Cowbitch players that have made up a large percentage of his scoring so far this season. Every spot on his bench but one is filled with a player off… it’s like he’s starting his practice squad this week! There couldn’t be a worse time for him to not have his best lineup either… the hottest team in the ICLAFF is rolling into town on a 4 game win streak. Despite having to start a backup QB and RB this week with Burrow and Henry off, Ross still has plenty of scoring power in that lineup to do some damage. This matchup could easily turn out to be a desert disaster.